The Apocalypse of 2018

also known as the year I didn't sleep...




Image: Neon lightning symbol illuminating on a black background

Blog written by Annu Tara, published 19th January 2019

The etymology of apocalypse: 
from Ancient Greek ἀποκάλυψις (apokálupsis, “revelation”), literally meaning “uncovering” – ἀπό (apó, “after”) and καλύπτω (kalúptō, “I cover”).

Happy New Year, dear friends…

2018 was quite a year for me, and also for others going through a similar process! I shared the below summary of my 2018 experience with my mailing list on Winter Solstice but I’m also sharing here because… well, these conversations are helpful.


Meeting Brokenness With Wholeness

My personal apocalypse of 2018 taught me intimately what it means to stabilise in the midst of chaos, to embrace and centre wholeness whilst falling down the fault lines of fracture, trauma and sleeplessness, and how to dig deeper than I knew was possible for resilience and trust whilst experiencing a collective environmental field that is on-fire and breaking apart.

I’ve also learned the importance of joy, play and laughter as a well-spring of resourcefulness and self-care whilst my inner-states and outer-world landscapes feel saturated in dense gravity, death-energy, grief and an unbalanced burdensome sense of responsibility. I can honestly say I never understood how vital these qualities are until this last year.

2018 has been unquestionably both brutal and liberating. I’ve had to learn to be OK with feeling completely sh*t day after day after day – yet at the same time, my life force and creativity have never been so open and free.

I’m learning that despair, collapse and over-buoyancy aren’t helpful – to me or the world.

I’m learning to breathe in pain and exhale compassion.

I share this not to self-centre or complain, and I’m not seeking pity or sympathy either. I share this because it’s my inspiration to do so and my shadow-eyes have been wide awake and peering into the unseen dark of this world that is constructed of so much suffering, entrapment, systems of harm and injustice. And even though I see the outer-worlds on fire whilst business continues as normal, this year has explicitly, intimately and directly shown me that Apocalypse is nonetheless an inside job.

I share this to offer support because I know I’m not alone in going through this. And it will come to pass that a lot more people will experience this personal and collective apocalypse over the next few years [EDIT: read Sharing in Times of Change & Corona!].

Those among us who observe closely and track the patterns and rhythms of  Life and Nature’s signals also herald the significant changes coming in 2020 and the decade following this will be paramount for our life time and life’s work. What we choose and materialise for the future is synonymous with how willing we are to do the work of Right Now.

The Opening Of Eyes

It’s true, not everyone is going through this kind of restructuring in 2018. If you’re reading this at the time of publish but aren’t experiencing this immense dismantling and energetic chaos of the dimensional realms, then perhaps you’re a point of stability for those who are. So thank you for that.

Or maybe you’re just not being honest enough with yourself yet or really taking a deep and direct look at what’s actually going on in this world and the systems of harm and destruction that have been completely normalised. Because there’s that too.

When I’m speaking about systems of harm, I’m referring to the whole matrix of suffering and control that we witness and experience through the mass economic violence that benefits just 1% of our population; the environmental destruction and heedlessness that devastates Earth, nature and peoples alike; the centralised power-over constructs that aim to capture, enslave and manipulate all organic life; and the divide and conquor techniques of racism, ageism, ablism, gender and sexual discrimination.

For many that are awake to these matrices of harm and destruction, this apocalypse is inescapable and actually is part of the on-ground awakening process (as supposed to awakening as transcendence of the ground itself and disapearing into space).

For some of us, apocalypse occurs as an overwhelming visceral bodily condition of disease or illness; or being impacted by death and grief through the physical departure of loved ones; or the loss of our work, home, lover or partner, children, and family networks – to name just a few avenues apocalypse can turn over our entire world.

It also comes through waking up to the reality that the way we are living on this planet as a species is destructive, devouring, disrespectful, selfish, unbalanced, and unsustainable. Power, resources, priority, privilege, platform and freedoms are still overtly controlled and enjoyed by a few cis-male, white-centred beings – or at least, that’s how they ‘appear’.

My personal apocalypse arrived continuously throughout the year as the full on-ground realisation of the worldly systems of destruction and how these external structures and images internalised within my inner life and intra-connectivity with all Life.

And this year also included a strange condition or phenomena of not being able to sleep more than 3-4 hours per night for the entire year. When I closed my eyes, I could still see – and when I did eventually ‘sleep’, I found that I was still awake. My state was in constant chaos and yet simultaneously unchanging and unflinching. It was the Opening of Eyes and I couldn’t turn away any longer.

I’m naming just a handful of some of the potential conditions and breakdown-catalysts but being apocalypsed is an extremely intimate, internal process of being deconstructed in our identity and our sense of place and belonging in the world, including what the world and the collective field have drip-feed us to believe about ourselves in ways that are severely OFF and inaccurate.

This is the Mother of all purifications and it requires us to burn down to ash regarding what isn’t real and true so we can plug into the true Source and the discovery of what it means to live in right-relation and real bio-dynamic inter-connectivity. Not just within the eco-sphere of being human but as the recovery of our true place within the interconnected web of Life, which also includes the vast diversity of More-Than-Human beings, Inter-Planetary, Inter-Galactic and Inter-Universal Life.

Once again, it’s helpful to be reminded that the purpose of apocalypse is LIBERATION.

Liberation begins as a process of the Opening of Eyes as we are stripped back naked into true essence and honesty, humility, innocence, passion, sovereignty,  power and vulnerability by coming face to face with the places where we struggle to relax into the core of our Being and anchor our multidimensioanlity here in form as part of the New Earth rising.


Notes From The Field

Welcome, I’m Annu – and I write about embodying Truth, Love, Sovereignty & Liberation as our full-spectrum being; harmonizing our deep humanity & infinite nature that sprout the seeds of our New Earth living.

Support Is Available

we’re not supposed to do this alone

What I want to say is this: if you are experiencing these kind of deconstruction procesess right now, understand that it’s totally on-point, that you can trust it, that it’s occuring FOR you, that it’s actually YOU who’s doing it, and that it’s essentially getting you clear, free and sovereign to BE YOU right here in form.

I want to remind you that your creativity is needed – your love and care are needed – your grounding, anchoring stable presence is needed – your voice and love in action are needed – the originality of you and the Dream-seed you brought here is so very, very, very needed.

But first, you need to wake up, get clear and properly plug-in to what you are the right-way-round – and this is what the apocalypse process initiates.

From this place of centering and abiding by your own Spirit, deep humanity and infinite nature, we can choose something different together – for ourselves and for those that will come behind us – through engaging the inner qualities and outer actions necessary to make way for Source-led humanity rooted in universal laws and the principles and values of Nature.

What I also want to say is that if you need support with any of this – I’m here. It’s what I do.

No one can carry you through this process as the weight and significance of it is designed to completely awaken, free and, eventually, crown you as your own self-revealing nature – but neither are we supposed to be alone in it either. Connection has a powerful part to play in this dismantling process as it safeguards the sweetness and humanity of our earthy-nature – and it’s often through witnessing, reflecting, regulating and sharing with another that we attune to the frequencies and inner coordinates of how to plug-in correctly as our particular and totally unique being.

I have literally decades of experience that contribute to my rather unusual threshold-tending expertise in the process of breaking down and breaking through. I’m literally designed to support this Great Transformation process of these times, and I can offer some very simple and sometimes heretical keys to those who need them.

So I’m here, showing up with you as we move into 2019 and whatever this holds for each of us.

I offer 1-1 Mentoring Sessions (in person & online) and Holistic Bodywork (in Glasgow & Edinburgh, Scotland) for those who would benefit from support and who are creating intentional space for their own processes. I’ll also be offering events throughout the year as a co-creative exploration and actionable support on getting real and rooted during these unstable yet deeply transformational times.

My current wish for all of us is that we are nourished by the joy born from our hard-won freedoms of 2018 in this coming year. I really mean this. Last year taught me so powerfully how vital JOY really is, in the face of all else that goes on, and quite often despite it. There’s no doubt that Joy is an inside job.

I also wish for us that we discover more ways to share in that joy with one another, and through this deepen and strengthen our connective root system and collective well-being.

It’s dark outside here in the Northern hemisphere but the night-birds are singing furiously and relentlessly… and this seems to sum things up quite well.

Let me know in the comments below how 2018 has been for you and whether you recognise this apocalyptic process in your own life.

With Care…


To mark my journey through 2018, and the fact that I rarely slept whilst I unraveled, I’ve put together two Spotify playlists that you might enjoy.

In addition, I’ve mixed the 2018 ApoKalyptic Nights playlist so you can stream for your uninterrupted listening pleasure on Mixcloud.

It’s a late night transmission on the nature of apocalypse.

DIRECTIONS: to be taken aurally with headphones in the dark: Enjoy!

SPOTIFY: 2018 ApoKalyptic Days

SPOTIFY: 2018 ApoKalyptic Nights